“Well, here we are Mr.Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why.”
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
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As a concept, I knew about kodawari long before I learned the word. My mental model of it was admittedly fuzzy, but as a performing musician, I definitely understood discipline and the relentless struggle towards an ideal.
Most musicians—at least those that weren’t coerced into music from a young age—can pinpoint a moment in their past which set them on their path. This was an inspiring event, such as a concert, that gave them a glimpse of the ideal. The music itself made them feel alive (perhaps for the first time), and the prospect of being able to make those sounds fueled their motivation.
As this often occurs at a younger age, you might not even understand what is happening to you. What you feel is more of an instinct that you are looking in the right direction—you are at the head of a path that will lead somewhere meaningful.
But as beautiful as these inspirational moments are, they aren’t enough. The fire created by that initial spark fades and needs more fuel, and the reality of life is that sometimes you can’t find that fuel. You need a different mental model, a discipline, that will keep you moving forward no matter what.
Kodawari is such a discipline.
I discovered the word kodawari in graduate school, and it stuck with me. In short, kodawari ( こだわり in Japanese) means the pursuit of perfection. It is passion, persistence, commitment, and attention to detail. But it is so much more than that. It is an entire concept whose definition requires at least a few paragraphs. It is so beautiful because, once you have truly connected to it, one word can be a placeholder for an entire world view.
The key to kodawari is that it is personal in nature. It is partially rooted in pride, but not the petty kind. It is the kind of personal pride that you feel when you are alone and you know that you tried your best. It comes from that deeper presence inside your head that watches you and knows when you are cutting corners. Whenever you ignore this discipline you feel weaker, and when you engage with it you feel stronger.
Such discipline is not rooted in some grandiose scheme to impress others or to achieve external validation. It is your personal standard, and it is how you foster self-respect. While you appreciate the beauty it creates along the way, you also realize that you never fully arrive anywhere.
We are, after all, prisoners in the present moment, and it is unclear where our path leads. Kodawari is not justifying your hard work and effort for the temporary external gains. It is realizing, as Kurt Vonnegut says, that there is no why. Or rather, the hard work—being the best you can be—is itself the meaning in life, the why.
So embedded in the kodawari meaning is the knowledge that perfection cannot be attained. Yet you pursue it nonetheless.
Sure, it is cliché to express the sentiment of “life is about the journey, not the destination”. And clichés do have a bad reputation for being shallow—unworthy of deep reflection. But the problem with clichés is that they are true, but people have forgotten why. They are overused and uttered in careless ways, rendering them empty.
So kodawari is the life philosophy stating that one should pursue perfection, even while knowing from the outset that perfection never arrives. There’s nothing wrong with the inspirational spark that sets you off in pursuit of your craft. You want to play the most beautiful music, cook the most delicious meal, and stop people in their tracks when they taste your wine. It guides your path, but it is also a carrot on a stick.
So instead, make kodawari itself your inspirational fuel. In one sense it’s practical—your motivation to work hard has to be deep if it is to survive your inevitable failures. And in a deeper sense, it can give your life meaning.
Perhaps this is the axiom—the leap of faith—which underlies my claim: the meaning in life comes from taking on the responsibility of trying your best. Because however good you are at lying to yourself, that deeper voice inside knows whether or not you worked hard enough.
And although you can enjoy the checkpoints along the way, the knowledge of kodawari is your real fuel. Arrivals and temporary gains cannot counter the tragedy and suffering in life. But kodawari can.
The kodawari energy is a leap of faith that tomorrow could be better than today if you do your best at something. It is optimism mixed with the knowledge that hard work is also required. Optimism without hard work is naive, but together they have enormous potential.
And kodawari tends to spread. It will spread throughout your own life, and you will inspire it in others. Begin by engaging with it in a small way. It could be a hobby or even something as trivial as washing the dishes. Attend to whatever you’re doing with full focus and persistence. You will enjoy the sense of pride at knowing that you were thorough and attentive to the details.
Seek out people who exhibit the kodawari energy, and foster it in yourself. Who knows how it will change you.
